dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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