woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
