just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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