Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
