I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
