Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
