Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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