She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I queefed so loud it echoed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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