before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
