I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
