I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize