your thong is hanging out like whoa
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
