These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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