how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
