My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize