Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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