She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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