The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize