Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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