Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
