btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
