You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
