Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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