hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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