sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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