brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
