Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
