I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
