if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
