who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
