Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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