a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
