I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
