Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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