remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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