Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
