Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
