I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
