My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
