He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize