I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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