She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
