If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
