Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
