3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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