I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
