I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
