if i can run in heels then i can drive
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
