My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize