My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
