i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
