When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
