wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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