Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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