don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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