i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize