I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
