so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
