i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
