apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
