and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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