no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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