you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
