did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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