they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
