You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
