sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
