Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't deserve a penis
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
