Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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