I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
