Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
