Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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