so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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